I am going to reveal a secret dream of mine.

Anyone who knows me will probably laugh to hear this, but here it is anyway.

I've always dreamed of running a marathon.

I suppose "always" is not accurate. The first time it ever even crossed my mind was when I was a freshman in college. That's when I first began jogging. (I can't bring myself to call myself a "runner" because I am too slow and chubby and not dedicated enough. So I have to call what I do jogging. Apparently there is a debate on the subject of running vs. jogging though).

I am not at all athletic and I used to hate jogging. I remember in high school Miss Reister was my P.E. teacher and we had to run a mile in P.E. class one day. I could barely make it. But then within two months of starting college I had gained 10 pounds and I thought I had to do something about it. The easiest thing I knew how to do was jogging. A pair of shoes and a sports bra, that's all you need to get started. So, I started jogging in the mornings, torturous though it was at first.

At the same time, I had a work-study job in the evenings as an alumni phone caller, telephoning people who used to go to Linfield and asking them to give the school some money. (Don't hate me, it's the only job I could find and I quit as soon as I got a better one the next year). We worked out of college staff offices that were vacant in the evenings, and the office I liked to sit in belonged to a lady who was probably in her 30s and did not look like my stereotype of the typical runner. She was in shape, to be sure, but she was not all lean and lithe and looking like she lived on granola and protein bars and water. In short, she looked like an ordinary person. And yet there on her desk was a photo of her crossing the finish line of the Portland Marathon. "Wow," I thought. "If she could run a marathon, maybe someday I could."

And that's about the farthest I've ever gone with it. For the past eight years (I couldn't believe it had been that long, when I started thinking about it) I have been a sporadic jogger. I will start a jogging routine and be quite faithful to it for awhile, because I do now really enjoy getting out there and getting some exercise. Especially now that I am a mom, it is one of the few times I get to be alone.

But then after several months the weather will start getting bad or it turns winter and the days are shorter and so I would have to run when it is dark outside which makes me somewhat nervous. Or I am pregnant and jogging is too uncomfortable, or some other such reason. And I fall off the bandwagon.

Every time I pick it up again I think: this is the time. This time I'm really going to be faithful to it and get into it and maybe I'll be all professional and buy some fancy shoes and start "training" and then I'll run a marathon! And then life happens and I get lazy and I don't do it.

Well, yesterday I went for my first post-partum jog. It was great, though my legs (and even my arms and stomach muscles) are aching today. Once again, I'm telling myself to stick with it this time. Maybe this time I'll become a real runner. You don't have to possess any special abilities--just self-discipline. It is possible for just regular people to truly transform themselves into very fit people.

A former co-worker of mine who was a little overweight but not hugely so suffered a heart attack while in his 30s. He immediately changed his lifestyle, became a runner and has completed many races now. If he can do it, and if the lady at the college office can do it...then maybe...someday...I can.